I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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