There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
