Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
