HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
