I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
