so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
