I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
