There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
