So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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