Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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