Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
