God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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