the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
