Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
