so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
