yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
