She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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