put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
