you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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