Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
