At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
