i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
