Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
