so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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