# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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