sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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