you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
