we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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