he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Houston, we have a blender
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
