Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
