Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
