are you still at the devil's house?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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