The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
