I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
