I hate your face
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
