then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
...so i touched it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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