i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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