It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
