when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
