He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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