Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
