her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
