sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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