never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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