Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My ass is underappreciated
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