Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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