Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
