mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
