worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
