Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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