Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
