Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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