worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
