Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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