You just made me feel so damn special
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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