are you still at the devil's house?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
