My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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