While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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