I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
