She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
