I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
