I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
