He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
