Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
