i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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