Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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